Changed - Part 4: Relationally Shaped (How relationships bring positive life change.)

When someone that you do not know insults you, you can get over it pretty quick. You may be tempted to lash out in retaliation but by and large you can get over it pretty quick. The reason is, you don't have a relationship with them so their insult really does not matter or have much of a long term effect on your life. 

If someone with whom you have a relationship insults you, the depth of the relationship will determine the depth of the hurt. This same train of though can be followed when dealing with the positive. This is true because in so many ways we are shaped by our relationships. Over and over again Jesus models this in how He related to the twelve and called us to relate to each other.In fact the Trinity is the only perfect model we have of a perfectly healthy relationship. My point in this message is, healthy relationships bring healthy change. Consider the following points 

1. Relating to The Holy Spirit - 2 Corinthians 3:17, 

            A. Relating to Him as a person not a personal force.

            B. Relating to Him as from within, not far off.

            C. Relating to Him in accordance with Scripture not emotional wish fulfillment.

2. Relating to one another in love. 1 John 4:20

    

    Positive relationships bring change when the following are present:

            

            A. warmth

            B. empathy

            C. acceptance

            D. expectation

3. Relating on a foundations of trust. John 2:24 / Prov. 27:4

            A. Not naïve’ trust.

            B. Not blind

            C. But Authentic

4. Relating through honesty. Proverbs 27:6, 9, 17

In order to fully experience positive life change through relationships you must give grace without enablement. Donald Miller makes this point very clear in his book, "Scary Close, when he writes, “It makes me wonder how many people have damaged their own lives by mistaking enablement for grace.” (Donald Miller Scary Close p. 71). There is a fine often crossed lined separating enablement and grace and most of the errors occur on the side of grace. Many never change because those closest to them simply enable them to remain in the same negative state. This is not what Jesus had in mind as He modeled grace for us. Nor is it what He models for us when His Holy Spirit convicts us of sin. 

One final word for thought on this subject is the option of loosing control and gaining intimacy. Once again we can turn our attention to Donald Miller when speaking of intimacy, he states, “It’s the one thing we all want, but must give up control to get.” (Scary Close pg. 98).   This is why transformation requires enormous courage. We need the courage to not know how it will turn out and a willingness to look bad, be wrong, and surrender control. 

May the Lord build your relationship with Him and others so that you and others experience positive life change through relationships.